The Many Clichés in Naruto Fanfiction
by Tigerbolt
Summary: Tired of cliche, overused plot stories that you see all the time in Naruto fanfiction? Well, this fic will try to make fun of them! Pairings included. Taking requests. Will frequently adjust submiitted chapters. NOTE: WILL UPLOAD LONGER CHAPS.
1. The Mask

The Many Clichés in Naruto Fanfiction

By Tigerbolt

---

In a dark, secluded forest, one could hear yelling and smell blood (not that anybody was near, you know). A man's voice suddenly spoke out.

"Hah! You know why everybody calls you demon, demon? Huh?" A silvery-haired man spitted at an orange-wearing blonde. What a horrible clash of color.

"Wha? I've never heard anybody call me demon demon, although they have used stuff like 'ARRGH' and'YOU-!' and 'BRAT'…" The blonde said thoughtfully.

"Guess what? The Yondiame _didn't_ kill the Kyuubi! Nobody can! So, the Fourth sealed it away in a tiny baby-"

"Me, right? Hah! I already knew that!" Naruto looked coldly at Mizuki. "It was easy; of course nobody could kill a demon! And the foolish villagers couldn't even foolishly distinguish the foolishly obvious difference between a boy and a foolish 100-story nine-foolishly-tailed fox, the fools!"

Mizuki looked on in shock. "_GASP_! How could you know that? You're the dead last, the '_dobe'_! No way!"

"Hah! This is just a mask. I knew that if I showed any intelligence, you stupid teachers who can't even teach would throw me out, saying that I, the demon, stole information! And," Naruto smirked, "You broke the Hokage's rule. The punishment….. Is DEATH."

And the woods echoed with the Chunin traitor's screams as multiple orange blurs descended upon him, which made apparent that along with super strength, speed, and the ability to perform sealess, wordless jutsu, the Kyuubi passed along bipolarness to HER (I assure you that she is a very hot HER) container.

---

The next day, everybody looked at the door as the supposed "dead last" walked in.

He was wearing a skin-tight black muscle short-sleeved shirt (which showed off his wonderful muscles), and on it was a blood-red trench coat with black and silver flames at the bottom. He wore black cargo pants with a leather belt to hold it up, and wore silver combat boots with kunai hidden in them. Was this man really a twelve-year old?

On his right leg, there was a kunai holster and all sorts of weapons hanging off his belt. Naruto was two inches taller, and his cerulean eyes gazed coldly at the room, making a few stupid fangirls swoon.

"Hey, dead-last! Dropouts don't belong here! At least, not without a birth certificate!" Kiba shouted at our favorite blond.

"You fucking idiotic _pup_. See this?" Naruto jabbed his thumb at his forehead protector on his forehead. "Unless I was mistaken, this means that I'm a ninja." He smirked in a badass way that made the fangirls swoon, and made his way towards the only empty seat near Sasuke. And that's something, because smirking is very hard to do, much less badassedly.

"Hey, Naruto-baka! Get out of _MY_ seat!" "What do you mean _YOUR_ seat? It's _mine_!" The sound of the pink banshee and other Sasuke fangirls' yelling soon wiped off the small smile on Naruto's face.

"_Bitch_. You _stupid_ fangirl. Get out of my way, before I use my cool, unbelievable ninjutsu I learned by myself on you. You made my day horrible, you pink _fag_."

Naruto shoved Sakura away, who started crying. Yet another victim of mood swings.

'_Why is Naruto so harsh? I thought he _liked_ Sakura_,' thought everybody in the classroom.

And Naruto got sorted into Huffle- oops, wrong story. I mean Team 7 with Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura.

"WHAT! Why do I have to be stuck with the annoying wannabe pinky and a cold, unemotional emo?" mumbled Naruto, who was ignoring the fact that one, he himself was a cold emo, and two, one cannot be emo without being emotional.

---

On top of the roof...

"Hmph. My name is Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, I like learning powerful jutsu, I hate traitors, people who discriminate, people who can't look underneath the undeneath, fangirls, emo people, people who take things for granted, etc. I hate especially when people call me dobe.

"Dobe sounds like Dobby. Dobby's that elf from Harry Potter, the one who got killed. I DO NOT WANT TO BE KILLED. I may have bee-you-tiful eyes, but I'm not green or wrinkly, at least not yet. And the meaning of 'dobe', I do not know.

"My dreams... to master at least a thousand jutsu, and to find a person who cares deeply for me."

'_Isn't that my line_?' thought Kakashi.

'_Stupid Itachi... I WILL avenge the Uchiha Clan..... Soon_.'

'_Sasuke-kun is ssssoooooooo HOT! __**CHA**__!_'

"Yes, well..." Kakashi proceeded to tell them about the test for true ninjas, the one where only 33% passed. He got a slight widening of the eyes from the Uchiha, a cold stare/glare from blondie, and a shriek from the unaturally-hair-colored pinky.

"Um.... You guys are dismissed.... heehee." Kakashi pulled out his precious Icha Icha and began giggling while Sasuke and Sakura walked off, and Naruto chakra-walked down the side of the building. '_Hm. The orphan shouldn't know that..... Wait. Did he say.... Namikaze_?'

---

At the training ground...

Hey Sasuke, wanna let me bear your fantastic children?" Sakura drooled.

"Hn (no)."

"Hey, Sasuke, why are you always acting like a bastard?" snarled a pissed-off Naruto waiting for Kakashi to arrive.

"Hn. (Hey, dobe, wanna fight? Even if you have new clothes, you still are the class clown, you hypocrite)" sneered back Sas-gay.

"Fine. And don't cry back to me when I knock you off your goddamn pedestal," Naruto said flippantly.

"Hn! (STFU!)"

And so, Naruto crouched on one side of the field, his right arm straight down and left hand holding a wakizashi.

'When did he get that out?' thought Sasuke. Well, it doesn't matter, because we all know the Uchiha is gonna lose.

"GO SASUKE MY SHINING KNIGHT IN BLACK, DIRTY ARMOUR!!!!!!!! WOOT HE'S SO HAWT!" cheered Inner and Outer Sakura.

A yellow and black blur was seen flying across the field, and Sasuke was knocked out, slumped against a tree.

Sakura looked. "Dead" Sasuke.

Sakura looked the other way. Naruto was mumbling about having to clean his sword of the tainted, unclean blood (vampire, anyone?).

"NOOOOOOO YOU HURT SASUKE-KUN I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!" Suddenly filled with (un)righteous anger, Sakura slowly whipped out her shuriken and ran (slowly) towards Naruto.

"_GASP_!" Naruto's wakizashi has held at Sakura's throat. "Do I have to tell you _again_, bitch? You are such an emo-lover, so you wouldn't mind if I just slice your neck, would you?" Sakura started crying, and a wet stain slowly appeared on her dress. Naruto backed away in disgust. "I _thought_ so."

"Ma. I got lost on the road of life..... What?" Kakashi looked around in confusion. "OMFGWTF? Sasuke-kun!"

---

After the briefing about the test...

Kakashi stared lazily at the blond staring lazily back at him. "You're the strange one. Why don't you hide while I go wank off to my por- uh, sharpen my kun- uh….. Find Sasuke-kun? Argh! Why does every word I say implies me as a pedo?"

Naruto smirked at Kakashi. "Because you are? Hah! Anyways, I'm better than you _and_ Asuma _combined_!"

'_Maybe when we're _drunk!' thought Kakashi.

Naruto leaped at Kakashi, taking out kunai with his left hand and his right hand performing one-handed seals. Kakashi widened his eyes as a huge white dragon leaped out of the clouds and attacked him. The jounin was sent back a couple of yards before he leaped back up.

--

On top of a building roof a couple miles away, Shikamaru turned to Chouji. "Did that cloud look like a dragon?"

--

Naruto then tossed two kunai at the cyclops. He then made a few seals. "Kunai Bushin no Jutsu!" About a million kunai, a few screams, fourteen giant fireballs, and nine water dragons later, Naruto tossed two bells at a shocked Sasuke and a dazed Sakura.

"Here. I _already_ figured out that this test is for _teamwork_. We all passed, and now I'll go. People to do and things to see after all. Or was it the other way around…" Naruto smirked and walked away into the sunset for not ramen, as everybody supposed, or dango (that was your second guess, right?), but good old corn. Yep, corn. Not porn.

---

At the Hokage's mission giving office….

"Here. You can go fetch Tora the cat again…"

"No, _old man_. We are very efficient (or at least _I_ am), and we can handle danger (or at least _I_ can), so we deserve _more_ than a D-ranked mission (or at least _I_ do). We have done _countless_ missions (100, in fact, but who's counting?), and we need a C-ranked, at least."

As Sarutobi was mulling over Naruto's words, both him and the rest of the room wondered why Naruto was so intelligent, why he was classified as the dead-last if he could beat Kakashi, and whether the Icha Icha Movie was going to start filming.

"Okay, Naruto, I'll give Team Seven a C-ranked mission." Was it the crack in his pipe, or was Naruto seeming more and more like his father? Nah. The Hokage shook his head and said, "Iruka? Please bring our client in."

A drunk old man stepped in (drunkenly). "Heeeeeeey, daz a buhsh uv meedjiteez ya 'ave…. _EEEEEEEEEEP_!" A kunai streaked pass his family jewels. "Hey, drunk. Consider the following: I'm competent enough. Don't insult a ninja. Fossils form in sedimentary rock. And for Kami's sake, _use a toilet_!"

Naruto turned towards the Hokage and his team while wrinkling up his nose. "In two hours, meet by the north gate, and _DON'T_ be late." The cold blonde glared at Kakashi, who shivered and looked down quickly. "Now, I'll be packing."

With a twirl of his cloak, and a twinkle in his eye, Naruto turned around and disappeared in a swirl of red hot flames. The rest of the team left (not quite as dramatically, but still...)

"Hm. Speaking of which..." The Sandiame took out a piece of parchment and began to write.

_'Dear Jiraiya, _

_When is the Icha Icha Movie going to be released? I know that you're are picky about the actresses, but really, you must hurry...'_

_---_

_**AN**_:

Okay, this is my first fanfiction, and I wanted to try something- to make a collection of clichés found commonly in Naruto fanfiction.

I apologize for any misspellings and grammar mistakes. Also, I do not need to put a disclaimer, for everybody knows that I'm NOT Masashi Kishimoto… That IS his name, right?

Okay, please review. Flames or not. Any suggestions/requests for the next chapter, I'll try to put up.

And I might continue this storyline in later chapters. It depends on my mood. Thanks, and ja ne!


	2. Angry Konoha Mobs

The Many Clichés in Naruto Fanfiction

By Tigerbolt

Chapter 2

Evil Konoha Mobs

---

On October 10, random year, we zoom in on a suspicious sight in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

"Hey, why don't we get drunk, find the little demon boy, then kill him?" said random villager one. Let's call him Bob.

"Sure. Let's forget the fact that the demon looks nothing like a 100-story, red-furred fox demon, and that the shinobi reported that no genjutsu was used to disguise any foxy features!" said his pal, Jim.

"Don't forget that all we did so far was to alienate him from our beloved children," added in their buddy Tom.

"But should we do this, even though our beloved leader, the Third Hokage, specifically told us not to?" asked Bob.

"…" The three, not-yet-intoxicated villagers thought for about five minutes.

"Okay!"

---

A mob full of drunken villagers were chasing a young boy at the tender age of three down a dark, urine-soaked alley, ignoring the fact that a little orphan boy at the age of three shouldn't be able to run faster than drunken shinobi and civilians.

"Why?" asked the boy. "Why are you doing this, I didn't do anything!"

"Heeeeey, duh deemin cun talk! Lez killim!" said Bob. The rest of the mob responded by holding up kunai, shuriken, pitchforks, knives, axes, and a condom.

"What?!" said a random undrunk villager. "I was gonna score with my wife!"

"Okaaaays." The mob turned back to Naruto, who was curled up into the fetal position.

"Pl-l-please….. Don't hurt me!" The angry people nearest to him sneered.

"We should attack him for being a demon and killing our family," said Jim.

"Yeah, let's do it, even though we can get executed and tortured for this," added in a low-level chunin.

"YEAH!" cheered the crowd.

'_YEAH_!' cheered the surrounding ANBU who also hated the blonde, supposedly foxy child.

"_**YEAH**_!" cheered the Kyuubi, deep inside Naruto's sewer of a mind. "_**Oh wait; it's the kit that's going to be killed… No, wait! I'll **_**DIE**!"

And outside, where the villagers were stabbing the boy yet managed to miss any vital organs, for that would be bad for the plot, a great flash went off, and in the middle, protecting Naruto, was a man wearing whitish clothing.

"No, you bastards! What have you done? This is a boy; he's done NOTHING to hurt you! OMG Naruto, are you okay?" cried out the pale, white man with golden eyes.

"… *sobs* …. It hurts…" Naruto whimpered.

"_GASP_! It's Orochimaru!" cried out the mob, the hidden ANBU, and Sarutobi who was watching all this in his crystal ball of magical peeping powers.

"Yes, and poor Naruto could do better in my village, instead of him suffering in this hellhole on Earth!" Orochimaru spitted. "I will take him despite him being the son of my rival for the role of Hokage, and may Kami _BURN_ this place! This gives me even _more_ reason to tear Konoha apart!" The snake man grabbed Naruto, killed Bob and fourteen other villagers with his Kusanagi, drove the rest insane with his ki or killing intent, and shushined away…

---

"NOOOOO!" yelled Sarutobi. "But, _maybe_ Naruto will grow up better in another place than the village where his father Minato wanted him to stay in. Yeah, it's for the greater good… Who _cares_ that the number two wanted missing nin of Konoha kidnapped our Jinchuriki, which is like Russia handing over all its weapons and oil to the US? Yep, this is the best for Naruto and our village… Now, let's go back to Icha Icha… teehee!" The old monkey quietly opened his desk to pull out a bright orange book.

Sarutobi paused. "What the heck are the US, and who or what is Russia? Oh well." He shrugged and went back to reading as the room filled with quiet, perverted giggles.

---

AN:

There you have it. The classic beginnings of a Naruto Gets Taken by an Uber Powerful Person. Or, you could say it's a slight cynical version of a classic mob chase.

Really, all Kishimoto says is that Naruto was ignored by Konoha. That's the reason for perverted jutsu, orange jumpsuits, and pranks galore.

Anyways, I would be pretty bored in Konoha if there wasn't a Naruto prank every week or so.

Okay, please review, flames or not. Any suggestions/requests for the next chapter, I'll try to put up. Sorry for the short chapter, though. Thanks, and ja ne!


	3. NaruHina!

NaruHina

By Tigerbolt

--

In the Village of the Hidden Leaves, a handsome, muscley young blond man was blowing apart the trees (and the ones behind it) with his mere finger(s).

He looked exactly like the Fourth Hokage, except everything was black and red with ABOSOLUTELY NO ORANGE!!!!!! Also, he wore combat boots. _Heh_, thought Naruto, _I can't believe that I used to wear orange! I was a fool!_

Well now, it just so happens that this foolish fool (ahem) was next in line to become Hokage! And he was just eighteen! I mean, saving the world from demons while becoming a half-demon yourself really makes your adopted granny love you so much, that she kicked the supposed council and made them into mere red stains on her desk (and yellow, too)! Did I just mention that he was the son of the Fourth, who he looks EXACTLY LIKE EXCEPT WITH WHISKERS!?!?!

Well now, this awesome Hokage-to-be was just _KICKBOOMSMASH_!ing the random logs and training dummies and a few enemy ninjas, too! Naruto Namikaze can do anything, except run from his annoying fangirls! (Now that's pathetic, seeing that he's an ultimate ninja, and they're just civilians.)

_Wow, it's getting really hot_, thought Naruto. So then he did something that would have caused a great big nosebleed among the female population in his nation (including his young old grandmother… And some males, too): took off his shirt.

Unfortunately, only one person saw this incredible, heavenly sight, and that was Hinata, who managed to hide without being detected by the great Rokudiame-to-be.

"Hmm? What's that red stuff…? Smells like blood!" Naruto exclaimed with full force, backed up with his Ace Hanyou-ness. "I must help them!" So, the handsome blonde followed the steadily flowing stream, and his happened upon-

"HINATA?!?!?! YOUR'RE A PERVERT?!?!?!" screamed Naruto.

--

High up in heaven, Minato slapped his head (AND IT DIDN'T GO THROUGH HIS FACE BECAUSE THE 4th IS AWESOME-SAUCE!!) and muttered, "Damn, son, way to ruin the mood!"

--

"U-u-u-u-hh-h-hh, y-y-y-e-e-s-s-s—ssss…?" Hinata whispered. Oh no, here was her idol, and he caught her in the middle of (peeking stalking spying perving leering) um… accidently discovering her idol during heavy training. Yes, that's it.

"You were _stalking_ me!?!?!" exclaimed Naruto.

Did she say that out loud?

"Yeah," Naruto said.

"Naruto-kun… I-I…. I lo-lo-love you! Ever since we were in the Academy, I've watched you and admired you and worshipped you and revered the ground that you walk on and-"

"Wait… You love me?" Naruto gasped.

Hinata nodded, but quickly looked back down, which wasn't easy to do when your crush is standing half-naked in front of you. In fact, looking down made it worse. As Hinata became a special color of tomato/tom-AH-to, she looked off to the side.

"Hinata… I have to confess something too." Naruto said quietly. Hinata closed her eyes and flinched. Is Naruto finally going to scorn her, avoid her now that he knows about her secret?

"… I love you too, Hinata-chan. I always have, ever since I saw you. I knew as a street orphan that a beautiful princess like you would only shun me. I tried to shove my feelings far away in my mind, and pretended to like Sakura! But, now… The drawer has been open again, and now I know who I truly love!" Naruto poured out.

"But, everybody loves you, Naruto-kun!"

At this, Naruto choked, for the one thing that he did not tell his beloved friends (the not-so-Rookie Nine) was about his special condition.

"In me… I hold Kyuubi. He wasn't killed on October the 10th! He was sealed in me! I'm a monster, a demon! I killed people, and sometimes I enjoyed it! I-I understand if you want to leave me…" And Naruto could no longer hold back his tears.

Hinata gasped and started sobbing. "Oh Naruto, we are meant to be together! The people that you killed deserved it! You're not the demon, not more so than I!" She then gave a gentle, yet squeezing hug.

--

Of course, Naruto soon found this to be a lie, as he only turns into a rabid, blood-craving monster once every thirty-something battles. Hinata turns into one five days a month. But I digress.

--

Naruto stopped crying and looked at her. "You really mean it?"

Hinata nodded, and then squealed as Naruto picked her up threshold-style, something that had only happened in her dreams. "NARUTO!"

"We shall become lawfully wedded, and nothing can stop us now!" exclaimed Naruto as he jogged into the sunset, drooping down for a hard, passionate kiss.

The poor sunset.

--

_**AN:**_

I actually think that I'll continue this. Will Naruto and Hinata get married without a hitch? What will Sakura say? And the supposed Hyuuga council? Tune in soon to find out, although I will post something different next time!


	4. Have No Fear, MarySue is here!

_**AN: Ah, wonderful reviews! The life and blood of an author. I thank all of my favoriters, alerters, and reviewers including the anonymous Skeptical who pointed out that yes, my Author's Note was in itself a huge cliché in all types of fanfiction itself! -.-" But, I assure you that I will keep my word, and here we are! Presenting…**_

Have No Fear, Mary-Sue is here!

By Tigerbolt

One day, Team 7 went to do a mission outside of Konoha. _What was their goal? _you ask. Why, to rid the world of punctuation and grammar mistakes, & w/ teh hlp of Sakaru & Nartuo & Sasgay & Kashaki it wil B acumplshdd!one!oneone! :D

Just kidding.

_Ah hem_. While Team 7 set out of Konoha, Kakashi droned lazily to his team. "Now, now, remember the mission, guys. We are here to eliminate a camp of evil nasty bandits that have been robbing many important Hyuuga. How they do it, we don't know. They call themselves the Merrymen… Or something like that. Meh. Now, because of the last C-Ranked mission –"

"That wasn't our fault!" yelled Naruto.

"Shut-up, baka! It was _yours_, dolt!" screeched Sakura.

"… Hn."

"Oh, be quiet. Now, because of the last C-Ranked mission, I'm gonna have rules now that we're out of Konoha. Rule Number One –

"When you have to answer Nature's calls, BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU. You never know when you might get ambushed by a random Rain Genin, or eaten by a hungry giant snake summon."

Kakashi stopped to survey the faces of his students. Naruto blushingly stared at Sakura, Sakura blushingly stared at Sasuke, and Sasuke blushingly stared at Kakashi! What! No, never mind, that's a look of disdain. It's hard to tell with emos.

"Um… Rule Number Two: Never ever stray from the middle of the trail! I can't tell you HOW many times shinobi have done that, only to get picked off, one by one! Um, maybe it's the other way around… Never mind.

"And Rule Number Three - !"

Kakashi gave them the Stare, the Stare that he gave when they fed Naruto food during the Genin Teamwork Assessment. They cowered in fear, wondering what wacky, torturous rule this was.

"Those who have gas travel at the back! ^-^" Kakashi finished, giving his pupils his trademark U-shaped eyes ™.

Sasuke slouchingly scowled and slowly slipped to the back of the scad.

o.o"

Two days later, the group found the Merrymen and attacked, demolishing everything except for the leader. _Who was this legendary leader?_ You ask. Why, his name was Robbin' Hood!

"MY NAME IS ROBBIN' HOOD, AND I WILL DESTROY YOU FOR RUINING MY MERRYMEN!" Robbin' screamed. He snapped his fingers and arrows came out of nowhere, pinning Sakura to a tree while wounding her shoulder. As Sakura screamed out, Naruto yelled, "Don't TOUCH HER!" and flew towards Robbin'.

Robbin' dodged the shuriken and kunai thrown by Naruto and jumped into the branches of a tree. With another snap, Naruto was captured by a bird cage that fell out of the trees. As it flew up, Naruto tried using his Shadow Clones, only to discover that IT WAS A FREAKING CHAKRA SEALER CAGE!

"Wha? Where did he get that?" Kakashi muttered.

"I stole it from the Hyuuga. DUH. I mean, I AM Robbin' Hood, after all!"

"GET ME OUT!"

"Hn!"

"AAGH! MY SHOULDER!"

Sasuke acted quickly, and threw a chakra-powered kunai at the cage's chain while he sprinted towards Sakura. However, in the excitement, Sasuke forgot to activate his Sharingan, and the poor Uchiha was a classic victim of the slipping-on-a-banana-peel-trick. As Sasuke tried to get up, Robbin' quickly tied him up with ropes and knocked him out with a punch to his neck.

Kakashi groaned and lifted up his headband, revealing a Sharingan. Alas, this was for naught as the Hood was GONE! As Kakashi cautiously looked around, he was suddenly pulled underground until only his head was above the dirt. Kakashi struggled, but found that his fingers were tied to his uncomfortable spot with chakra-enforced bindings! _Great, become a eunuch or watch your students get mutilated,_ Kakashi thought. And, of course, like any hot-blooded male would do, Kakashi hesitated and did nothing.

Robbin' Hood burst out of the earth and laughed evilly like an evil person. And promptly received a Boot to the Head™.

A woman jumped out of the trees. She was a beautiful and sexy female, and had attractive mocha eyes with specks of gold and silver in them. She had curves in all the right places (where _ARE_ the right places?), and had a C-cup. Her legs were to die for, and her skin was perfectly tanned. She had milk-chocolate-brown hair with red, gold, and black highlights that ended right above her shoulder, and it had no split ends or badly-cut parts. Her teeth were perfectly straight and were amazingly white, and her lips were carefully maintained and full. She wore a navy blue denim jacket, and wore a brown, short-sleeved blouse that went along well with her complexion and eyes. She wore dark blue skinny jeans with fashionable-yet-reasonably-outdoorish boots, which are quite suitable for a Boot to the Head™! She had a beautiful golden necklace with odd Japanese seals on it, and a cute jade tiger charm attached. On her wrist was a beautifully-made golden watch with an array of miniature buttons on it.

She turned to the shocked Team 7. "My name is Cassandra Percival Wulfric von Karma Norris, but you can call me Chuck!"

_**AN:**_

I based the Mary-Sue off of one of my very-good friends. Hope you enjoyed the purposely verbose description (;D), and caught all the references! To tell you the truth, I'm thinking of drawing a fanart of her… o.o"


End file.
